The Childhood is the Premise. The Adult is the Pressure to Balance the Scales.

From 0-8 Years Old I Built a House

From 0-8 years old the psyche is created. The psyche is our core identity like a mainframe that stores our icloud. The data from 0-8 years old establishes the premise to our life making. The premise gives us a blueprint including what is possible, capable and available to us. At six years old my father unexpectedly passed away. My mother and I had to leave our home and rebuild our lives. My mother and I were unstable for a while. When my father was alive I felt alone. He did not show up for me because he was dealing with emotional grief and inner conflict. After his death, I was self-sufficient and mute. I gained a lot of weight, I didn’t speak to people and harbored a lot of my feelings because I felt it was “wrong” to be emotional or to seek help for emotional pain.

In my adult life, I experience similar emotional grief, inner conflict my father did where I  detach, isolate and harbor my anger. I rarely ask for help. I feel something is “wrong” with me. Sometimes I feel emotionally unstable. However, from 0-8 years old my mother got me involved in every activity imaged. This is the positive. I took dance classes, soccer, basketball, cheerlead, girlscotts, art and music classes and so on. I was very athletic and artistic as a young child. In my adult life, I experience similar self-discipline I did as a child. I am very creative, focused and innovative. I am a problem solver because of my young years in recreational activities.

The psyche is our character. It reveals what is possible, capable and available to us. Intuitively, the psyche is the integrity of a person. It reveals the strength and weakness of a person. Weakness and strength is installed from 0-8 years old. We perform weakness and strength in adult years involuntary. Most of us have a weakness from 0-8 years old we need to rinse from our psyche because it gives us restricted possibility, low capability and blocked availability to greater life experiences. My weakness is feeling I must do everything on my own and it is “wrong” to ask for help. Also, I have difficulty counting on others. This weakness doesn’t appear to be too heavy but there is heavy weaknesses on Earth, for example, sex addiction due to child molestation, self-hate due to mother and father aggression, etc.

In healing and repairing the 0-8 years old identity, in which everything grows around, we must learn the weakness of our childhood and polarize it. How I began to heal and repair the belief “something is wrong with me for asking for help” is through polarizing it. I began to express my grief through dance and music. Later, I was able to ask for help without thinking something is “wrong” with me. For example, polarizing sex addiction due to child molestation is practicing sacred sexuality such as Yoga, painting naked people or transforming sex attachment into creative drive. For example, polarizing self-hate due to mother and father aggression is practicing home design because it encourages constructive usage of space and positive atmosphere.

Weakness is determination to do something. I am determined to not ask for help because I think something is “wrong” with me. I am determined to have sex with someone because I need to be stimulated. I am determined to hate myself because I am agitated. To polarize it is to flip the determination. I am determined to not ask for help now becomes I am determined to express myself. I am determined to have sex with someone now becomes I am determined to honor my sexuality. I am determined to hate myself now becomes I am determined to love myself. To beat pressure we need greater pressure. To withdraw is to beat the pressure to use heroin with greater pressure, which is to not use heroin.

From 0-8 years old we receive pressure to live, be and act a certain way and many habits, behaviors and experiences we identify with are disruptive to our greatest pressure which is to excel with our natural talents and gifts. The early childhood pressure to live, be and act a certain way or to think, believe or carry a certain attitude is most significant and higher than daily adult work obligations because we are determined as a young person to create a self-concept. We are nothing without self-concept. Self-concept gives us character. Without character we cannot stabilize or manage ourselves. In adult years, we realize the self-concept we were determined to create in young years may need repair. For example, if want to excel in having a healthy family but carry the pressure to sabotage family life due to our weakness from childhood mother and father aggression the pressure to be weak in areas of healthy family is great. We must beat pressure with greater pressure. The Yogis understand this. They practice Yoga or meditation for eight hours a day to beat the pressure to be mentally or physically weak with greater pressure which is to be mentally and physically strong.

Pressure is what we want to escape. We don’t do well under pressure but pressure is our weakness and strength brought into excellence. We are pressured to continue the young childhood self-concept involuntary regardless if it disrupts our greater determination. We must face the weakness from 0-8 years old with greater determination to polarize the experience. For example, I was raped at six years old and blame and shame myself in adult years. Heal and repair is putting greater pressure/determination on compassion and expression around intimacy to balance the scales. All human wants is balance. The experience of life demands balance for us to be good. When we have only blame and shame we are imbalanced. When we have blame and shame with compassion and expression we are well-rounded, capable of understanding.

Human wants to understand! Human wants to grow beyond duality and transform the pressure of weakness into determined pressure to breakthrough. There is nothing more exhilarating and liberating than to balance the scales. Every human being undergoes childhood instability that creates a shaky or insecure self-concept. As an adult, we carry the 0-8 years old self-concept and build our life around the weakness and strength of our childhood. Self-concept is movable. Self-concept is evolutionary. It is necessity for us to evolve our childhood self-concept into the image of our authenticity which is to excel with our talents and gifts. Many times the path to our talents and gifts is the 0-8 year old life. Healing and repairing weakness and directing strength towards natural talents and gifts. Our mission as an adult is to expand what is possible, capable and available to us by using great pressure/determination to balance the scales.